Hey girlfriend, I’m Hotty Flasher. Friends call me Hotty. You can too.

I’m a woman of a certain age — somewhere between menopause and death. Years ago, I was considered voluptuous; today I’m considered frumpy. I like to think of myself as … squeezable.

I know — I could be in better shape but for the record, I exercise every night when I go tinkle. Back and forth, back and forth. No wonder I get night sweats!

I’ve been married more years than I can remember and have two kids whose names I forget.

For the record, I like my life, except for the parts I don’t — and I still carry around the dreams I had as a kid. I also carry around guilt, as if it were a purse.

I consider coffee and chocolate essential food groups. My ideal vacation is … five minutes alone in the bathroom. I speak my mind though I don’t know what’s on my mind. I’m still waiting for my script. Hint, hint.

Anyway, I’m glad we met. I have a feeling we’re gonna be friends. Until next time, stay merry, girlfriend. Kisses, kisses.