I am Dr. Siggy Freud, the mother of psychiatry, and you are listening to my podcast, “You are an ID-iot.” You ask a question, if you’re lucky, I answer it.

Today’s question is from Nightmare Ned:

Can you analyze the nightmare I had last night? In it, my girlfriend tried to run me over in a parking lot. I woke up screaming!

Maybe I can, maybe I can’t. It depends — Do you have health insurance? If not, go away.

Assuming you have coverage — by the way, I am out-of-network — you first have to fill out my intake form. Five questions:

1. Were you asleep when you had your nightmare?

2. Was your girlfriend premenstrual?

3. What is the make, model, color and monthly payment of her car?

4. Is she a beneficiary on your life insurance policy?

5. Finally: Were you wearing a seatbelt? If not, you are an idiot and most insurance companies do not cover idiocy.

Neither do I. So go away. We are out of time anyway.

Until our next episode, I am Siggy Freud and “You are an ID-iot.”