I am Dr. Siggy Freud and this is my podcast, “You are an ID-iot.” Ask a question and, if I’m bored, I’ll answer it.

Today, Nosey Nancy asks:

You are a childhood expert, but did YOU have a happy childhood?

You think I remember? I died 83 years ago.

I do have some subconscious memories, however. I remember being born. A horrible experience. Lots of blood and screaming.

Then – I’m not even 10 seconds old —someone slaps me. I start to cry — and my mother, she just lays there — smiling.

Apparently, I was the oldest child. We lived in Vienna and were very, very poor. We lived on breastmilk and Vienna sausage. My only clothes were my sisters’ hand-me-downs, which I resented because pink is not my color.

According to Wikipedia, my siblings slept in beds, while I was forced to sleep on the couch. I didn’t mind except when neighbors came over to watch the Super Bowl, and dropped food on the cushions.

I still have that couch, by the way. In-between patients, I curl up into a fetal position and take a nap. I sleep like a baby.

So yes, I had a happy childhood — and you, Nosey Nancy, should mind your own business.

Until next time, I am Siggy Freud. “You are an ID-iot.”