I am Dr. Siggy Freud, the step-father of psychology, and this is my podcast, “You are an idiot.”

Today, I am having a half-off sale for people with selected psychological complexes.

These include:

The Oedipus Complex, which was discovered by the Romans — maybe it was the Greeks, who cares. The whole mess began with a boy named Oedipus, who killed his father, then married his mother. Why? Because his father had a penis and hogged the remote.

Next, the Madonna Complex, for those obsessed with the singer Madonna and her song “Like a Virgin.” I offer a special discount for boys terrified they’ll still be virgins when they graduate high school.

Next, the Napoleon Complex, for adults who feel they come up short. These are the people forced to buy pants in the children’s department or to order xtra-small condoms from Amazon.

Last, the Superiority Complex. Actually, I don’t treat people with a Superiority Complex. Quite simply, they are beneath me.

And that is it for my sale. If you want to buy more than one, complex there is an additional shipping charge. And absolutely, positively, no returns. Your issues are not mine, so go away.

Until next time, I am Siggy Freud, and “You are an idiot.